She is walking down the sidewalk in Iowa City's downtown because of the university she is surrounded by her peers: college students. There is incessant chatter about class, friends, relationships. Anything within realm of reason is being discussed at the present moment. Sound bites come from everywhere. “Where do you want to eat?” “Sorry I’m vegan today.” “Why does the library feel so lonely at lunch?” “I think my shoe’s inside out.” She wants to giggle at some remarks, but doesn’t. She keeps a straight face and keeps walking, but still listening.
One side of the street is downtown and across the way is the large University of Iowa. Clutching her notebook and book to her chest with both hands. To passersby she looks shy and uncomfortable, if only they knew that she was in her primal comfort zone. She is an observer from the inside. She always has been. Her head is upright and forward, but she is taking in everything. The sounds of the cars going by. The college students. The atmosphere. Everything. She doesn't miss a thing.
It's lunch time as she walks around. The height of chaos and bustle for Iowa City's downtown-ampus district. The traffic is startling for a Thursday. The stoplight is always changing. Green, yellow, red. Wait. Green, yellow, red. Wait. The pattern continues though the cars are always different. A different “cambus” is always passing by. Once in awhile it stops at the bus stop with the squeak and release of air. There is a quiet roar of voices coming from every corner. The shops and restaurants let their noise out into the street.
She wanders across the street to the university's territory. She sits down on a bench; kicks her shoes underneath her; folds one leg beneath her. She starts watching, listening, observing. This is supposed to be hard, but for her it is second nature. It does not overload her mind with things. She's always been more interested in watching the chaotic interactions than hopping right in. Not to say that she won't; she just needs time and to feel comfortable in the atmosphere before doing so. This atmosphere, however, is one she may never feel completely comfortable in though.
She watches the college students. Peers. They feel so distant though. They are absorbed in themselves. Concerned with petty, insignificant details of life that will have no bearing upon anything past tonight. She watches with partial pity, partial disdain, and partial jealousy. She feels they are too wrapped up within themselves that they have no understanding of how the world works. Her peers are so attached to technology that she has watched the world change throughout her lifetime in the way everyone interacts. Though everyone passing by is complaining or wrapped up with something or alone or bored, none of them seem to feel the same amount of stress she does. They don't have the same pressures she goes through. Is it because these pressures are things they will never have to deal with? Is it that they haven't arrived at the point in time where they are relevant? Is it that she has placed the pressure upon herself? Or is it a combination?
She understands them and their point of view, but is unsure if she will ever fully belong to her generation. She watches them walk around with their ear-buds in and the approachability of a pissed off kitty. She watches them absorbed in their texting; unable to tear their eyes away from the screen to prevent the inevitable collision with another. She watches those few who still feel the need to put the phone to their ear and talk. She watches them travel alone. She watches them travel in packs. She writes. There are some conversations that she just cannot ignore. “Okay so I'm not supposed to say, but you'll love this. Anne did...” She wonders if the art of keeping a secret was lost completely. This is why she doesn't share anything important. It always spreads just as fast as if she were to stand on a soap box and announce it herself with a megaphone.
“Don't get drugged. Like, totally, have some fun. Make out. But yeah, like, seriously, just don't get drugged again.” “Dude. I don't remember anything passed four yesterday afternoon. Wait. Except at some bar. I had to tell this girl 'Yeah, never gonna happen. I'm so not drunk enough for you. There isn't enough alcohol in the world. You're heinous.' Yeah... She was bad.” “So yesterday I walked in on my roommate jerking off. Like seriously? His parents give him five thousand dollars a month. There is no reason for him to be jerkin' it... EVER!” “I have a HUGE dilemma. There's that party tonight. Ya know? And I can't decide which shoes to wear. Pink or Fuchsia. I don't know what I'm going to do.” “My professor just didn't understand. I couldn't do my homework last night. The season premier was on.” “Do you think I'll get a B? I really need a B. My prof says I'm going to fail ‘cause I've only been at one class. This is ridiculous.”
She wonders “Has my generation lost all of its mental stability?”
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